Saturday, January 07, 2006

Note to self:

You want to knit Owen a sweater vest kind of thing, reminiscent of Chandler's on Friends. Use the Rowan Cashsoft DK in Blue Boy from the stash and don't do anything too fussy. 4x2 ribbing on bottom edge and a ribbed v-neck. Maybe knit in the round?

In knitting news:

I finally decided that I could rip and rip Hopeful from now til kingdom come, but the whole purpose behind that piece is what it represents. I want to look at it and wear it and know that it represents my hopes, dreams and prayers for my future. If I continue to stress over this, the only thing it will represent is my frustrations and I won't be able to wear it with the joy that I want.

So last night I started working on it again. When I noticed that I had decreased by one stitch three rows back I just increased one on the row I was in and moved on. No stress. No frustration. No beating myself up for the mistakes. No!

I worked all last night and a good portion of today and I'm now past the lace portion of it and beginning the solid end panels. That means that I'm 1/3 of the way finished.

It feels really good to have made up my mind about deciding to let it be what it is. Not to get anyone down, but I'll be honest here. I've been pregnant four times and have one child. Childbearing has not been a perfect experience for me and I've had more than my share of heartache over it. Hopeful is a pretty good representation of that. It's not perfect and I'm not expecting it to be anymore. I'm moving forward and doing what I can.

I'm looking forward to finishing it and wearing it. I'm not saving it "until" because, though I'm optimistic for the future, I'm also having to come to terms with the fact that that particular "until" may not happen again. And you know what, if that's the case then I'm blessed to have my Owen because he's one heck of a little man and he'll always be mine.

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