Sunday, November 06, 2005

Facing facts

Yarn therapy is not cheap. It's not something that you can just throw a couple of bucks at and be done with. Especially if your therapy is moving you through two days of doctors appointments. And also especially so if you are bringing your crafty Mom with you, who doesn't buy cheap stuff in general and who snatches up obsession with a passion. This means that on Monday and Tuesday you will spend an astonishing amount of time in local yarn stores fondling all kinds of yarn. This also means that you get to spend much of Monday night, most of Tuesday and some of Wednesday morning helping your Mom learn to knit.

This is why I love my Mom and why she is perfect to have around in times like this. Say you're in an ultrasound room waiting for the technician to come and do your ultrasound and you're really anxious. This is when my Mom will say, "How do you make buttonholes in knitting?" when she really has no interest whatsoever in buttonholes but knows it will make you think about something else. Say you're still in that ultrasound room waiting for the doctor to call back with your news. This is when my Mom will say, "Tell me about the different kinds of yarn. Is acrylic softer than alpaca?" when she knows from much time spent crocheting that it is an absurd question.

And when you get the news that your baby isn't alive anymore and that you're going to have to talk about what to do now... That's when my Mom says, "Do you want to go home?" and when I respond, "No. I need to hold some yarn." And she didn't blink an eye. Of course. Yarn. How simple.

So we went to my favorite LYS, which is now her favorite LYS, and we held yarn. She also made her first knitting purchases. 7 skeins of Debbie Bliss Cashmerino and a pair of Brittany needles. (I told you she wasn't cheap!) I found some ridiculously soft yarn to make a ridiculously soft scarf from because I knew that I'd desperately need some therapy knitting to take with me places over the next few days.

I finished my so soft therapy scarf on Wednesday night after my Mom left my side for the first time since Monday morning. We had worked on our projects together on Monday night, while crying at my house... on Tuesday morning while watching Little House on the Prairie reruns and ignoring the afternoon agenda... on Tuesday afternoon while waiting at the doctor's office and at the hospital waiting for my pre-op exams... and on Wednesday morning while waiting to be called to the outpatient ward, while nurses asked questions, while techs drew blood and put tags on my arms.... and then Mom knitted while I was in surgery and was knitting when I woke up from the general anesthetic.

She's called every day since then and we've talked about how I'm feeling, and of course about knitting. And she's already planning another visit to the yarn store.


rayleen said...

I'm so sorry to hear about the baby. (((hugs))) from a strange who stalks your blog.

Anonymous said...

So, so sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking many prayers & positive thoughts for you & your family right now.
{{HUGS}} from a fellow CP'er

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear your news. Prayers are sent your way. You have a wonderful Mother by the way. Makes me miss my Mom because she was just like that. God Bless.

Brianne said...

Thanks for the hugs and for the stalking. Both made my day!
Brianne *hugs*

Brianne said...

Thank you for the prayers and hugs. They are much appreciated!

Brianne said...

I don't know how I could make it through some things without her. I'm sorry your Mom isn't with you any more. Everyone needs a Mom. *HUGS*

Talitha said...

I'm a complete stranger and this is even my first time reading your blog, but I was sitting here almost in tears reading about your struggles. This is something I fear greatly for myself because I have very low progesterone. Not to be nosey or anything, but have the doctors tested you for progesterone levels? It's something they can fix by giving you progesterone support during the first trimester. I hope they can figure it all out anyway. Nobody deserves to go through what you are. I have always wanted to adopt though even if I can carry a baby to full term. :) God bless, take care and good luck!